A Letter to the City of Miami

Dear Miami,

Fuck you. 

Ok great now thats out of the way lets get to the point. I have not enjoyed living in you, but I guess you brought me up so I can’t hate you entirely. Throughout my twenty years of living here, I have been hit by a car once while riding my bike, experienced at least 10 hurricanes (including one that ruined my Halloween [thanks Wilma.] ), experienced both the Miami-Dade Public School system and private school, I have been bullied to the point of near suicide, was with a guy for 6 years of my life, and somehow learned how to drive with these crazy people without getting hit once. (I did run into my neighbor’s car though because I sneezed while backing up and instead of slamming on the break, I slammed on the accelerator.)

As much as I did hate being brought in this city, I think it shaped me into a pretty cool person solely because my goal in life was to try and be as UN- MIAMI as possible(often the best compliments I would get was when people tell me I don’t look like I’m from Miami [however I’m not sure if thats a stab at me being pale af or not]). Coming back to the city from literally ANY OTHER CITY was always culture shock and trying to explain this city to friends who had never been was always fun.


“No no please. There is a difference between Alexa and AlExa. (pronounced Ah-ley-xa)”

“No pero like..”

“Jasper, you are allowed to sing ‘Welcome to Miami’ ONCE while you are here.”

“Wait so you didn’t have to learn how to walk in heels starting at the age of 13? You don’t have to wear heels to brunch?!?! I DON’T HAVE TO WEAR HEELS TO EVERY PARTY?? THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE AT LEAST 5 INCHES?!? I DON’T HAVE TO WEAR HEELS-“*collapses*

“No guys I can’t take off my shoes at a party thats so dirty. I could be called a pata sucia.”

So on that note, here are some things I’ve learned while growing up in this crazy city/country.

  1. You learn Spanish immediately, but not from school. Shockingly, you learn actually no valuable Spanish from school, but instead from your baby sitters, cleaning ladies, and friends with their abuelas.
  2. Miami is full of the crazy rich and the very poor. It is difficult to see the poverty lines in Miami because its obscured with mansions, but its there.
  3. Miami is wonderfully diverse and I am thankful for being brought up that way.
  4. Many of the people here have a comfort box that they do not like having reshaped or broken or even like watching people reshape the box Miami has made (case: me). If you stick out, I was taught that was a bad thing; you’re a freak.
  5. Cleanliness is HUGE.
  6. There are a shocking amount of Hispanic Jews (the bar/bat mitzvahs I’ve been to…thats a whole other blog post).
  7. You don’t go to the beach as much as people think.
  8. Going to school outside of Florida is rare, going to school outside of the east coast is almost unheard of (“How could you be so far away from your family?!?”)
  9. No one knows what true humidity is like until they live here.
  10. Heels are a must, even if you’re literally going to the mall.

I am so fucking happy that I am finally leaving this city. I’m not happy to be leaving the wonderful group of friends who have helped me survive living in this city. Thank you so much to the cREw, the boys, my wonderful group of theatre friends, and the impeccable teachers I’ve had for making sure I kept most of my sanity while being raised in this city.

And with that I’m out of Miami, bitch.

Have a great day filled with kittens, okay?

Zoey K.

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