My psychiatrist’s “diagnosis”

So let me preface this story with some background. My psychiatrist is actually a nurse practitioner who has another nurse studying to be a nurse practitioner sit in the room with her while she talks to me and who she may turn to and consult. However, its not like regular consultation. They talk about me in 3rd person IN FRONT OF ME. So she’ll finish talking to me and then turn to her and be like,

What do you think we should prescribe her? It seems like she has some social anxiety.

Some? I think she has a lot of anxiety.

Its great. But she gives me drugs so I put up with it. Here was her deduction about my anxiety.

“Zoey, I think you have one of the oddest forms of social anxiety I’ve encountered. [yes she actually started it with THAT sentence] You have no fears about performing, talking to strangers, speaking in front of people, or meeting people like most people with social anxiety. On the surface, you look like you don’t have it. It’s your mind that has social anxiety. You do have general anxiety but its like while you’re going about doing these not so social anxiety things [she didn’t actually say that, I’m paraphrasing from memory] your mind is freaking out. You think everyone is judging you, watching you, and you think that everyone thinks you’re a horrible person. Am I right?”

Spot fucking on Cheryl, thanks.

“Well, I think this may come hand in hand with your self confidence issues which you should keep talking about in therapy. Do you have a lot of nightmares?”

Yeah I have at least one every week.

*turns to the other nurse* “Thats not normal. Right?”

*other nurse shakes her head* “That’s not normal. You shouldn’t be having nightmares anywhere near that often. I can prescribe meds for that if you want on top of the other two I have prescribed for you would you like that?”

Um, no I’m fine with my medication and my freak nightmares, thanks.

The conversation basically was lets take your general fuckery and add some more fuckery to it and smoosh it all together until you have a big “YOU’RE FUCKED UP” pie and then sprinkle it with some lexapro and lyrica and boom you got me. Plus a little sugar, spice, and every weird. I could nearly be a Powerpuff Girl basically.

Like it? Thanks 😉

Have a day filled with kittens, Okay?

Zoey K.

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