So it is known that I have nightmares quite frequently (according to my psychiatrist thats not normal but eh…at this point nothing is normal about me) so much to the fact that they don’t really faze me anymore. Last night I had a really strange nightmare.
It started with me riding my bike in to high school (so already you can tell its a nightmare). I am greeted by my friends and we walk around my high school and its very dark and stormy looking, but its not raining. All of a sudden, I see pamphlets everywhere for different things, but one of them is my report card but not even from high school, from collage. The thing is that this is like an interim report card where its just to let me know where I am during the semester and its not final. But these grades are bad. It starts out with As and ends with Cs and Ds because certain grades hadn’t been processed. I started freaking out. Trying to rip them off every wall I could see. They were bright yellow. Next to them were more posters that had curses at me and saying what a failure I was. I ended up in my art history room crying my eyes out, wishing they would all disappear.
Suddenly, my friends, from high school and college, were beside me. They were asking me how this happened and if I had any idea who did this. They were there for me like they are in real life. They helped take all of the pamphlets and posters down and got the administration and teachers involved. It was like my brain solved my own nightmare. It was completely bizarre.
The best part was when I found out who did it. It was a girl who was the exact opposite of me in every way; the anti-Zoey. She wasn’t anybody I had ever met in my past. It was like my mind had manifested everything I had never wanted to be and put it in this human manifestation. So she admitted to me that she did this. So I grabbed her ear and punched her in the eye and dragged her by her ear and arm to the administration and got her to admit (unusually) what she did. And then I got to sock her in the stomach for fun.
Besides the unusual amount of random violence in this dream, I think it held a certain kind of meaning. I’m currently in treatment in Sacramento for my various problems and I am determined to work through them and get better. I think this dream shows that all of the bad sides of my mental illness are showing themselves and I am taking charge and making them punished and socking them in the stomach (for fun). It also showed that even in my dreams I’m not alone. I have friends who are willing to help me and will always be there to back me up.
As awful as it started, it had a pretty dope ending. Lets hope that I too will have a dope ending come the end of May.
Have a day filled with kittens, Okay?