I may be the Queen of Self-Hatred, but I am earnestly working on becoming the Duchess of Self-Love (Can I pleeeaassee have a crown now?) Since I’ve been the Queen of Self-Hatred for so long, its really difficult for me to see myself in any sort of positive light, because I find hating myself is a lot safer than loving myself and then having others crush it…like it did in middle and high school. So now that I’m actually getting appreciated for what I work my ass off doing (shocking, right? Its like there are stable and healthy learning environments!) I’m letting my guard down and letting myself love me (and truth be told, its really fucking weird).
So one way I did this was by writing a thank you letter to myself. I’m not going to post it, unless people want me too, because I thought it would be a little egotistical if I did. But I’m writing this post to say that all of you should! It was a little bit difficult at first. But treat it like you’re writing a thank you note to a teacher you really loved, your best friend, or a family member for all of the awesome things they have done for you. Treat it like you’re writing a yearbook paragraph to yourself.
Thank yourself for the little things first if you’re having trouble thinking of anything to thank yourself for. Thank yourself for doing the dishes that one time. Thank yourself for waking up every morning and dragging your ass to that job. Thank yourself for that one time you smiled at someone. Thank yourself for buying yourself that piece of chocolate. Once you start thanking yourself for the little things, you can start to open up about bigger things. Thank yourself for never letting your guard down, or being the best pet parent ever, or for your diction. Find the light that you always saw that maybe no one else did. Or, shine the light that people tried to cover up and sincerely thank yourself for it. You work your ass off being you everyday and gosh dammit you should thank yourself for it! You don’t need someone else to thank you because you are your harshest critic and the one who’s opinion really matters the most.
I was told a lot when I was younger by peers (not my parents or teachers) that having self-compassion meant you were selfish and that’s unattractive. Let’s be clear that there is a huge difference between being egotistical and being self-compassionate. A friend of mine said the difference is, “Selfish is when you do something for yourself at the expense of someone else while self-love is when you’re honest to yourself about your flaws and forgiving them, while still sternly maintaining discipline. Self-love has to be derived from the right sources .Compliments are iffy, the actions of others is bad, you have to find it just through your own thoughts and actions.”.
Self compassion is letting yourself be happy for your own expense in the long term. Its not self-indulgence, self-esteem, or self-pity. Its exhausting hating yourself. But rewarding yourself for things that should be rewarded is easy and is better in the long run.
Start small. I’ll start. Thanks Zoey for not letting people’s judgment deter you away from being your really weird, awesome ass self.
What do you thank yourself for? Comment below!
Have a day filled with kittens, Okay?